women – What Do Mormons Believe?

Modest are Hottest

“Modest are hottest” was a popular saying among the young men at my high school. They used the slogan to encourage the young women to live and dress in a way that showed that they respected themselves and those with whom they associated. My girlfriends and I totally bought in to what those guys were advocating because they were the guys who were worth being around.

Modest Prom Dresses

This was especially true when we would help each other get ready for school dances and other group dates and social events. In accordance with the standards in the For the Strength of Youth Pamphlet, we didn’t wear strapless gowns, low cut necklines, belly shirts, short skirts or short shorts, etc. Instead, we covered our shoulders and cleavage, and avoided tight-fitting and sheer clothing. This freed us up to dance or do other activities and enjoy the company of our dates and friends. We cared about looking fashionable, but also emphasized being comfortable and sufficiently covered.

I loved being modestly dressed on dates in high school because I didn’t have to constantly readjust my outfit. I could simply go from mini-golf to dinner to the dance without worrying about exposing myself. It kept the dates fun and engaging without any embarrassing wardrobe malfunctions.

While it is sometimes difficult to find modest clothing, it is definitely possible. There are all sorts of ways to modify current fashion trends to keep them cute and modest. We have to be creative sometimes! There are some trends, however, that will require personal judgement on whether or not it is acceptable. In those cases, consult with your friends, parents and the Lord to know if following the style would measure up to His standards.

While these guidelines seem targeted mostly at women, men should also keep from wearing clothing that is too tight or too baggy. We have also been counseled by the Latter-day prophets to stay away from tattoos, extreme hairstyles and piercings (one modest pair of earrings for women is fine). Modesty in speech is also important. We are counseled to avoid swearing, gossiping and inappropriate jokes and anecdotes.

5 Browns

I’ve been out of high school for several years now, but the idea that “modest are hottest” has stayed with me. I have found that dressing modestly helps my dates feel more respected and at ease. They are able to focus on our conversations rather than being distracted or tempted by my body. Being modest keeps me and my friends from objectifying ourselves and giving in to the worldly notion that guys want slutty girls. We know that we are intelligent, humorous and have great personalities–so we put that on display instead!

I dress and speak modestly out of respect for myself, the people I’m around and for God, who created my body in the first place.
See Prophetic Prophets for more on modern counsel

Mormon Mommy Blogs

I read a recent letter on salon.com last week entitled Why I can’t stop reading Mormon housewife blogs by Emily Matchar. She is a self-described atheist feminist career woman with no real interest in converting to Mormonism and no plans to settle down to start a family, but there was something in these “Mormon Mommy blogs” (a blog genre that features domestic arts, child-rearing, and stories from home life) that drew her to pore over them with great interest. The reason she gave for this reading addiction was that they are “weirdly uplifting.”

I found her article interesting for two reasons:

As a Mormon with many Mormon friends, I am subscribed to a couple dozen Mormon Mommy blogs on Google Reader to keep up with the lives of my family and friends. As a consequence, under Google Reader’s “Recommended items” tab, I get referred to a handful more of these Mormon Mommy blogs every day: pictures of perfect strangers, children I have never met, stories of their MLK day outings, etc. Google thinks I’m looking for more like these, but I’m actually not interested in strangers’ personal lives, and I don’t typically see anything particularly magical in them.
Ms. Matchar sees something uniquely appealing in these online scrapbooks. Something otherworldly. As she says, “Enter the Mormon bloggers, with their picture-perfect catalog lives. It is possible to be happy, they seem to whisper. We love our homes. We love our husbands.” It’s an angle on traditional womanhood that it seems was never examined in her years of modernist training.

I hadn’t considered her point of view until I read her article. You see, for me, these blogs represent reality. This is more or less home life as I lived it. I had a mom who stayed home to raise her kids. There were creative hand-sewn Halloween costumes, homemade quilts, sit-down breakfasts and dinners, and brown paper lunch sacks adorned with cleverly-coded nicknames for each of us 6 kids.

I had never really thought about a life that didn’t include some aspects of gardening, potty training, or cooking. Even as a man I have always planned on getting involved to some degree in domesticity as a husband and father. For me, the home life is the whole point!

I can certainly understand the predicament career women are in. Many of them need jobs, and they should be paid equally for equal work. A career is a laudable achievement for anyone and I’m pleased with how far our society has come in breaking such barriers. I would just caution anyone who carries the mindset that careers are the secret to ultimate joy and that men have selfishly reserved them for themselves through the centuries. I recently earned a masters degree and started my own career in earnest and…

…it’s not all that glamorous or exciting. It’s a good job; it suits me, and I’m certainly happy to have the income, the security and the professional challenge, but I don’t think I would be fulfilled if I made that the attribute that defined me. My job is really more of a means to my true end: a happy, healthy family life. And I believe it’s that attitude; that priority, so common in Mormonism, which fascinates Ms. Matchar.

Was He Married?

Q. Was He [Jesus] married?

Short answer: We don’t know.

Longish answer: Funny you should ask. Historically there has been some widespread speculation about that, particularly with respect to Mary Magdalene. Thanks in part to The DaVinci Code, the issue has become more a part of popular culture in recent years. It’s a fascinating debate, filled with all kinds of gnostic gospels and symbolism and things.

The LDS Church has no official statement about the subject (despite some speculation by early Church leaders in the affirmative). The Bible doesn’t say He was, the Book of Mormon doesn’t say He was, and neither does the book of Doctrine and Covenants. But—and I’m hoping I speak for the majority here—I wouldn’t be at all surprised to find out He is, especially considering that we believe marriage and family to be a central and necessary aspect of full happiness in the eternities. So, (purely my own opinion) I personally think He probably is, but I don’t think anyone now living knows for sure.

Incidentally, one of my favorite things about believing in continuing revelation and modern day prophets is that I have a good deal of hope that questions like these will be answered in the future through a prophet. We don’t have to claim to know everything about everything now because the gospel is living and being clarified and added to all the time. It’s a luxury that’s somewhat unique to being LDS, and I like it.

Women and the Priesthood

Q. What is the LDS position on women as priests/pastors/leaders/whatever they are called?

woman-preacher Well, the Church’s position is that women are very capable leaders. The women’s organization (Relief Society) is led by 4 women (president, 1st counselor, 2nd counselor, secretary) with the same organization in the Primary (children’s classes). Women also lead the teenage girls (Young Women Organization) in the same fashion. Women give sermons for the whole church, and they teach Sunday school lessons. However, the main body of the congregation (called a ward, or a branch) is led by men.

As far as women being priests, pastors, or whatevers, that just isn’t women’s job. Okay, that sounds sexist, but it isn’t, just hear me out (and know that I am a woman).

See, God isn’t running a democracy and He doesn’t have to give His power to everyone to be fair. He is running a theocracy; and it works well because He knows everything, understands what we need, and is completely Good.

So He has assigned the worthy men the role of carrying his authority to preside over the church, give Priesthood blessings, and serve as God himself would serve. This is really good for men, in general. It gives them the opportunity and responsibility to take care of others, serve, and become selfless. Men sometimes have a hard time looking outside themselves, and with this responsibility solely on their shoulders, they are solely responsible to God for how they do. If they don’t do what they are supposed to bad things can happen. That’s how apostasy comes about.

marybabyjesus

He gave women an equally responsible job–they are in charge of raising their children to be God-loving, respectful, and well-balanced. This is a huge job: like the Priesthood, they are accountable to God for how they do; and, like the priesthood, the responsibility helps them take care of others, serve, and become selfless. If they don’t follow through with their duties, and their children grow up without knowing God, or keeping His commandments, bad things can happen. That’s why the earth was flooded.

Both men and women are heading for salvation, but since our natures are so different, God has given us different responsibilities to round out our weaknesses and accentuate our strengths. That’s why God’s theocracy works–everyone in His kingdom is working toward the same goal and He has tailored their roles to get them there.

Mormon Women Part II – Division of Labor

“The Family: A Proclamation to the World” states some basic and essential things about the roles of women and men. “By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children.”

Women are endowed with the capacity to love, nurture, protect, feel, serve, obey, beautify, and charm. It is in our mitochondria from all the way back to Eve. Men are ordained and set apart to hold the priesthood. This calling and ordination gives them the power to serve, protect, lift, discern, organize, preach, prophesy, bless and heal. Both callings make us humble. Both callings cause us to be selfless. Both callings allow Christ to build his kingdom on the earth through his servants. A division of labors is absolutely necessary in order to build the kingdom within the lives of each member from childhood on (women) and to organize it locally and globally (men).

Heavenly Father has designed the work of women and men to complement each other and to build on each other. It is as though women are in charge of making sure that each building block is strong, whole and dependable, and the men are in charge of overseeing the organization of those blocks into a church and a kingdom. Neither one would get very far without the other, and when men and women work together to build the kingdom in such a way, they succeed.

Women are just as important as men, and men are just as important as women. We are equal in the sight of God, though our roles on earth differ. “[We must be] ready and prepared to function as a full partner in a celestial team–without having to look up because of any feeling of inferiority, or look down because of any feeling of superiority, but look across into the eyes of an equally prepared, equally magnificent eternal mate.” (Ida Smith. “The Lord as a Role Model for Men and Women.” Ensign, August 1980, 4.)