chastity – Page 3 – What Do Mormons Believe?

Prophetic Prophets

I have been amazed as I have reviewed the addresses from our prophets and apostles during last General Conference (October, 2008). The Salt Lake City Temple They spoke right to the difficulties that were coming with the economic crisis and the backlash against the church for proposition 8. Even though I have long believed that they can see “down the hall and around the corner”, re-reading and listening to their talks confirmed it for me yet again.

And so I thought, these inspired men are such a blessing and a resource in my life–everyone should know what they are saying. Which, obviously, is the point of broadcasting General Conference. For those of you who are interested in what modern-day prophets and apostles are advising, here is a summary of the things that they have really emphasized lately:

Stay out of debt. Ezra Taft Benson spoke about this back in 1987! They have been warning us to avoid unnecessary debt for decades. Hmm, do you think they anticipated the calamitous financial crash of 2008? You betcha. It takes years to get out of debt, once you have accumulated it, so they gave us plenty of time to be free of it. Unnecessary debt is consumer debt. They say that the only things that are okay to take out loans for are school and a home. You should buy everything else when you can afford to buy it.
Stay away from pornography. The apostles and prophets started emphasizing this before the internet really made its public debut. David B. Haight spoke about it in 1984, referencing the magazines, books and movies that were addictive and destructive. Since then there has been a steady crescendo both in intensity and occurrence in warning people to stay away from pornography. “Avoid pornography as you would a plague” is sound advice. So many homes are broken by this addiction. It destroys relationships.
Store a year’s supply of food and have extra money on hand for hard times. The prophet and apostles have stressed self-sufficiency for, well, forever. They have advised us to accumulate everything that we would need for a year or more. Recently, with the talk of an upcoming flu pandemic, they have really stressed at least putting away a 3-month supply of food (the time it would take for the quarantine to be lifted). This is seriously important advice. EVERYONE needs to put away enough to live on for three months. Do it. Whether you are Mormon or not.
Be modest. Modesty in dress and speech and action demands respect and honor. This counsel is directed mostly at teens, but everyone benefits from this counsel. So many women are treated as objects both by men and other women–girls are advised to take back their self-respect by not presenting themselves as just a “body” to be admired, but a mind, heart, and soul–a complete person. Modesty protects. “Modest” doesn’t mean wrist and ankle-length clothing (though, undeniably, that is modest), it means covering your shoulders and cleavage. Not wearing anything too high (much above the knee) or too low or too tight (all of this applies to boys too). Tattoos and multiple piercings are also in this category. Any time you wear something that attracts all of a person’s attention to your body, that is immodest.
Law of Health (Word of Wisdom). This has been reiterated since the time of Joseph Smith. The Word of Wisdom has been addressed on this blog before, but basically there are do’s and don’ts. Do: eat healthy foods, in their season, and in moderation. Don’t: Drink strong drinks (alcohol), hot drinks (coffee and tea), or use drugs unwisely (legal and illegal). If you want to be healthy, follow this counsel and add to it exercise and preventative check-ups.
Family time. The family is the central unit of society and of the church. Church leaders have encouraged us to have “Family Home Evenings” once a week (Mondays), family prayer and scripture study daily, and engage in family activities often. Nothing comes before the family (except our own personal relationships with God), not even Church activities or functions. Have family dinners as often as possible. Talk to your children/parents openly. Doing so will strengthen your family which will, in turn, help school work, self-esteem, friendships, trust, careers–everything. When a family is strong and children know that they can rely on their parents, that relieves a great burden from them and they can use their energy to excel.

There are more, but these are the things that our prophets have been advising us to do with the most fervor lately. They may seem like common sense, but how many of them do you really do? Those who follow this counsel are blessed to be happy, healthy, and prepared for the future. I encourage you to do it too. And if it seems unlikely that we would have a contemporary prophet in our time, remember that that is what Noah’s contemporaries thought too. And look where it got them.

Birth Control

Q. I am a non-member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints but looking into it. I was wondering: I’m on birth control for regulation of the menstrual cycle. What is the belief Mormons have on this?

The official church stance on birth control is that this is a decision to be made solely between husband, wife and the Lord. We believe that children are a wonderful blessing and that the commandment God gave to Adam and Eve to multiply and replenish the earth is still in force today. Husband and wife are encouraged to ponder the blessing that children bring and take the decision to God in prayer.

adamueva Members are reminded that finances, schooling and other worldly concerns are not God’s concerns. Sometimes faith is required when the world would say, “That doesn’t seem wise, considering your circumstances.” I have known couples who have waited to begin their families until their positions become more secure and I have known couples who have started their families despite many secular obstacles. It is not the position of any outsider to make a judgment on such a private, individual matter. What is right for one couple may not be right for another.

Sexual intimacy brings new life into the world, but that is not its sole purpose. God intends sexual relations also to be an expression of love between husband and wife, an important part of a loving, faithful, flourishing marriage.

What Can’t Mormons Do? Part 2: The Law of Chastity

The second commandment or standard that I want to discuss is the law of chastity. Aside from the Word of Wisdom (a few posts down), I think this is the commandment that people outside of the church have asked me about most often.

The law of chastity is pretty simple: you don’t have any sexual relations with anyone besides your husband or wife. This means no sex before marriage, and complete fidelity after marriage. Since I’ve never heard anyone question why the latter half is true, I think I’ll focus my comments on why we don’t have sexual relations before marriage.

The basic reason, as with any commandment, is that God has said not to. Repeatedly. “Thou shalt not commit adultery” was one of the ten commandments (Ex 20:24). The apostle James commanded the early church to “abstain from fornication” (Acts 15:20). Through Joseph Smith, the Lord gave the commandment “Thou shalt love thy wife with all thy heart, and shalt cleave unto her and none else.” (D&C 42:24). The commandment is everywhere, more prevalent than the commandment not to lie or not to steal. So how does everyone write it off so easily?

First of all, I think people have this idea that that particular commandment is outdated. Like sure, back in the old days it was wrong to have premarital sex. But look, times have changed. It used to be taboo and practiced in secret, now it’s flaunted everywhere and practiced by everyone. Our society is “enlightened” and “liberated” and obeying that commandment is just not cool. I think even most devoutly religious people feel like they need an explanation for why the Lord would command something like that. Which brings me to the question I want to address:

Why would the Lord command something like that? That’s a good question. The commandment against fornication is different from a lot of other major commandments in that sex isn’t an inherently evil thing (unlike killing or stealing, for instance). It’s good. It’s natural. We have powerful, inherent desires that make us want to. Those desires are usually accompanied by good feelings of love and companionship towards someone else. So why would God make us this way, and then command us to hold that back? Also, there are few immediate physical consequences to anyone, so it’s easy to say “hey, no one gets hurt. What’s so bad about it?”

This is an issue I feel pretty strongly about, because it’s a question that I think a lot of counselors and youth leaders of all faiths kind of scoot around. Pamphlets and lessons are filled with horrifying facts about AIDS and gonorrhea and lives ruined by unwanted pregnancies or abortions. While these things are definitely terrible side effects, they’re honestly not the reason. They can’t be! Even if you could ensure that you would never get an STD or an unwanted pregnancy, it still wouldn’t be okay.

This is where I think Mormonism has something to offer the world. For starters, I think we live it more strictly: in a recent study, only about 3-4% of unmarried students at Brigham Young University reported having ever had sexual intercourse (BYU Studies vol 46 no. 3), compared to the 20-35% reported from a study of two evangelical schools with similar moral standards. Both are way below the national average of around 70-80%, but I think the difference is worth noting. What is the difference? Having lived around a lot of devout evangelicals and devout Mormons, I’m going to say it’s not the level of “devoutness”. I think it’s a different understanding of why the Lord commands us not to, which is unique to Mormon theology.

Most of what I’m about to say comes from a talk given by an Apostle, Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, entitled “Of Souls, Symbols, and Sacraments,” which can be found here. I suggest that you read it, because it’s a million times better than this post. It was given by a man who is set apart to be a spokesman for the Lord, and it’s one of the only such talks dealing with the doctrine surrounding sexual intimacy.

The body is sacred. Part of the reason sexual sin is so bad, is that we consider the body to be a part of the eternal soul. This was revealed to Joseph Smith in what is now D&C section 88: “The spirit and the body are the soul of man.” It may not sound like much, but it’s actually pretty earth shattering. Think about it. The reasons I gather most people consider premarital sex bad (if anyone still does) comes from these old beliefs that the body is base and evil, while the spirit is high and noble. Physical desires are to be brutally subdued and mastered. Physical gratification is somehow bad. Celibacy is the high road. Taken to the extreme, people start whipping themselves or sit on poles for 37 years, trying to reach spiritual heights by degrading the physical body.

We reject this idea. The body is something to be treasured. When we are resurrected, it will be like Jesus, with a physical body (Luke 24:39). That’s why Paul wrote: “flee fornication…he that commiteth fornication sinneth against his own body.” Messing around with your body is messing around with your soul.

“Know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s” (1 Cor 6).

It’s my body, right? Isn’t it my own business? Paul responds with a resounding no. Ye are not your own, for ye are bought with a price. The Savior has bought us–redeemed us with his blood, and that gives Him every right to command us when and how to use it. Our souls are his: spirit and body both.

Total union. Sexual intimacy is one of the highest and most sacred forms of union between a man and a woman. It’s the symbol of the union of “their hearts, their hopes, their lives, their family, their future, their everything.” I can’t say it better than Elder Holland:

“But such a total, virtually unbreakable union, such an unyielding commitment between a man and a woman, can only come with the proximity and permanence afforded in a marriage covenant, with the union of all that they possess–their very hearts and minds, all their days and all their dreams. They work together, they cry together, they enjoy Brahms and Beethoven and breakfast together, they sacrifice and save and live together for all the abundance that such a totally intimate life provides such a couple. And the external symbol of that union, the physical manifestation of what is a far deeper spiritual and metaphysical bonding, is the physical blending that is part of–indeed, a most beautiful and gratifying expression of–that larger, more complete union of eternal purpose and promise” (Holland, Of Souls, Symbols, and Sacraments).

The Lord wants us to save that most precious and committed of physical unions for the only relationship committed enough to supply the corresponding spiritual and emotional bond: marriage. To those who ask “what about in a serious, committed relationship?” the answer is, “Absolutely. And that relationship is marriage.” Really, the only reason I can think of not to get married is because you’re really not that committed. You’re not absolutely positive you want to be with that person forever, so you don’t want to take that final permanent step (which is fine; don’t rush it). But sex is a symbol of total commitment, and it’s not total commitment without marriage.

A good part of our society firmly believes that a couple needs to live together to “get used to each other,” or to see if they’re truly compatible. Sorry, but that’s the opposite of commitment. And even though it sounds really reasonable, it doesn’t work, practically or spiritually. It’s well documented that cohabitation before marriage is correlated with significantly higher divorce rates (about twice as high in the above-linked study). You just need total commitment.

A sacred act. A third reason, and probably the most important of the three, is that sexual intimacy is not only a symbol of union, it’s a sacred act in and of itself. Again, I’ll defer to Elder Holland:

“. . .sexual union is also, in its own profound way, a very real sacrament of the highest order, a union not only of a man and a woman but very much the union of that man and woman with God. Indeed, if our definition of sacrament is that act of claiming and sharing and exercising God’s own inestimable power, then I know of virtually no other divine privilege so routinely given to us all–women or men, ordained or unordained, Latter-day Saint or non-Latter-day Saint–than the miraculous and majestic power of transmitting life, the unspeakable, unfathomable, unbroken power of procreation. . . I know of nothing so earth-shatteringly powerful and yet so universally and unstintingly given to us as the God-given power available in every one of us from our early teen years on to create a human body, that wonder of all wonders, a genetically and spiritually unique being never seen before in the history of the world and never to be duplicated again in all the ages of eternity–a child, your child–with eyes and ears and fingers and toes and a future of unspeakable grandeur.”

It cannot be said better. Sexual intimacy is the vehicle to create life, and as such, is one of the most sacred things we do on earth. Whether or not we actually create life with it, we still tap into that power, and doing so under any other circumstances than those for which it was ordained is a form of mocking the privilege God has given us. Would we run laughing into a sacrament service, overthrow the table, spill the bread and water on the floor and then run out? Of course not. So viewing the body as sacred, and sexual intimacy as a sacred act, why would you ever knowingly mess with that?

Just to conclude, I hope this helps to make a little more clear why Mormonism seems to be so strict when it comes to sexual intimacy. It boils down to a respect for sacred things. I also understand that the law of chastity sounds completely out of place right now in the world. But it doesn’t matter; it’s true. And that is why I follow it.

<<Part 1: The Word of Wisdom>> <<Part 3: The Sabbath Day>>