Missionaries Knock On Your Door: What to Expect
You have probably already met a couple of LDS missionaries. They’re the young men in dark suits and bicycle helmets, or the young ladies wearing skirts; they all have black name tags. Maybe it was at your front door (or your back door, if you live in Wisconsin), or it could have been on the street, or a gas station, or at a friend’s house. They waste no time searching for people to declare the gospel to.
Odds are, you didn’t hear their message. Maybe you were in the middle of repairing your truck, or you were in a bad mood from a long day at the office, or you thought they were Jehovah’s Witnesses. Could be you were curious of what they had to say, but didn’t want to let on. Mostly, you didn’t know what to expect.
It’s understandable. I hate being blindsided by unexpected surprises; not knowing what’s coming or how to control it. Missionaries approaching you out of the blue is the epitome of being caught unaware. My hope with this article is 1) to teach you what you can reasonably expect from these young men and women and 2) to give you some ideas of how to act the next time they arrive.
The Greeting
A missionary’s purpose is to share a vital message with you; it’s so important that they dedicate two years of their lives on their own dimes to come present it to you and your neighbors. When they are new to being a missionary, they learn quickly how important trust is. In order for their message to change lives, it must first be heard; for the message to be heard requires a person’s trust. Establishing trust within 15 seconds at a complete stranger’s doorstep is a truly daunting feat!
From my own experience, I can testify that most missionaries are trustworthy. They are typically honest, clean, kind, and very respectful of other’s beliefs. It’s difficult to establish all of this in the first few moments of introduction, but they will try. They will shake your hand, introduce themselves as representatives of the LDS Church, give their names with a smile, and ask to be invited inside for a discussion. The hope is that you will see or feel in them some spark of goodness that will persuade you to give them just one fair hearing. Sometimes it happens, often it doesn’t.
Imagine that you are at this moment of decision: consider your options. If you are like me, your gut will tell you to avoid the hassle, avoid the awkwardness of meeting new people and turn them away. But, if you had a few minutes to weigh the consequences, your sense of adventure might say, “What the heck! They’re no threat; I’ll listen to ‘em. I can TiVo American Gladiators tonight.”
I hope that wherever you are, you will decide right now to invite them in next time. Give them a chance. If not, at least be civil. A polite “No, thank you” is exactly as effective as a tirade of verbal abuse at keeping them from returning, so save your energy.
Let’s assume you invite them in. Once inside, they won’t usually dive right into a religious discussion. They will chat politely about your family, your job, hobbies, etc. They will also be glad to answer questions you have about their backgrounds. Ask them where they are from, what they plan to study in college, how long they have been missionaries, etc. Again, they hope to establish a good relationship of trust with you. This isn’t merely a gimmick; they really are interested in you because they hope eventually to become your friends. If there’s one thing Mormon missionaries believe in (besides their message), it’s that everyone is a potential friend. There are people I met on doorsteps as a missionary that I grew to love and I still keep in contact with.
Their Presentation
At some point, the missionaries will change the topic to religion and begin the presentation they arrived on their missions to give. They may request to begin with a prayer in order to invite the Holy Spirit. Because they are guests in your house, they will allow you to decide who should say the prayer and it’s just fine to pick one of them or to say it yourself. Do whatever you feel most comfortable with.
Many people assume that the message they have to share will basically mirror a typical sermon from their local pastor, about Jesus suffering on the cross and how we can be saved if we believe in Him. This is central to our beliefs and essential to understand; it will take a prominent role in the lesson, but the missionaries will go deeper into what makes the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints unique. The message is not only that Jesus saves, but that Jesus speaks.
The lesson is known as the Restoration of the Gospel. Just as this is the first thing the missionaries teach, it was the first thing we published on this website two years ago. Go read it! With more familiarity on the topic beforehand, you will have better comments and questions. You’ll also be better able to listen to the whispering from the Holy Spirit during the meeting.
During the presentation, the missionaries will take turns discussing each topic. It may sound somewhat rehearsed (because they do rehearse it; the rehearsals help them cover the essential points within a reasonable time-frame; their visit will probably last no longer than 20 minutes unless you invite them to stay longer), but I hope you will recognize that the missionaries really believe it. They are committed to it. You can also help them out of rehearsal mode by showing interest and asking them questions along the way.
Future Visits
The missionaries will end their talk by asking you to read from the Book of Mormon, ponder over the message, and pray to God about it. They really don’t expect you to believe them at their word (you are still essentially strangers after all), but they have full confidence that Heavenly Father will confirm the truth through the Holy Ghost. They will want to follow-up and see how He answers you, so they will request a return appointment, usually within a week.
My advice is to take their commitments seriously: read, ponder and pray all week. Asking God if their message is true can do no harm, and it will do plenty of good. Also, get their phone number so you can contact them if you need to reschedule or if you have questions or concerns that just can’t wait.
They have several more lessons, so they hope you will keep inviting them back after each visit. Each subsequent lesson will resemble this first one except a bit longer (maybe up to an hour), they might bring along someone from the local congregation, and every visit you’ll move steadily from complete strangers to solid friends. In fact, I’d wager it won’t be long before you’re asking them to come for dinner.
I’d like to open the comment section to stories of when the Elders or Sisters came to your house for the first time. What was the experience like? What did you learn from it? Have they been back since? If you don’t have a story to share, invite the missionaries over by clicking here!
I was a missionary in Brazil a few years ago. One piece of advice I would give to anyone hesitant to listen to the missionaries would be to at least give them a few minutes at the door and get to know them somewhat. So often I had felt that if people had just given us a few minutes to briefly talk with us, they would have been pleasantly surprised that we were actually somewhat normal people, and not religious nuts.
I felt like those people that invited us in enjoyed our message, even the ones who were not interested in continuing to meet with us. After all, missionaries are ordained teachers/ministers, and anyone can benefit from having such people pray in your home.
If I became mormon would they help me find a wife and start a mormon family?
We’d sure try.
Have you had missionaries in your home, Daddy? (I feel a little awkward calling you that).
What would missionaries say or do if they came to my door and I did invite them in to hear their message? I am married to a man, and I am also a man. What if I liked the message the missionaries brought into our home? Would they even teach us? What if we wanted to join the Mormon Church? Could we? What would we have to do?
You tell me to give them a chance, but will they even give me a chance?
Daniel, they will give you a chance.
Mormons get a lot of bad publicity because of our stance on homosexuality, but please understand it isn’t grounded in animosity or fear. We love and respect you. You are a child of Heavenly Father and you have divine heritage and potential.
Daniel, if you listened to the missionaries and learned from God that their message is true, you would have a vastly different outlook on life. You would be as the proverbial pearl merchant, “Who, when he had found one pearl of great price, went and sold all that he had, and bought it.”
You would have to make a great sacrifice (all homosexual behavior), but with the perspective of eternity and the blessings God holds in store, it would ultimately bring great joy and I think you would understand that at that time.
I expect my answer is frustrating to you now, though. I’m sorry that it’s frustrating. I hope you will invite the missionaries over and look deeply into it. Please learn from the Lord whether it’s true before you make up your mind one way or the other.
I am frankly surprised by your response. I would have to give up all homosexual behavior? In other words, I would have to get divorced? Who gets custody of our children? Who gets the house? I am self employed, so I get my insurance coverage through my husband. I have to give up health insurance? The only way that I can join your faith is to give up my true love, the one I have been with for years, and that I am legally married to. The one I swore vows of faithfulness to in front of God, friends, family, and state. I would have to destroy my family, and your choice of words for that is that it is “frustrating.”
Really? What would you say if someone told you to get divorced? What if you had a suddenly vastly different outlook on life and you had to leave your family? How would they feel? How would you feel? How would your bishop feel? Is he even allowed to encourage divorce? This is why I am confused and asked the question. I thought you guys wanted to protect the family, but in order to be a part of your faith, I have to destroy mine. I will invite the missionaries over if they knock on my door, but if they ask me to divorce my husband, I will show them the door, and I believe that is no different than what you would do.
Daniel, you’re right. “Frustrating” wouldn’t begin to describe your feelings. I would be outraged and incensed. My family is sacred to me, and even talking about the possibility of its dissolution hurts me deeply.
If it were up to me, I wouldn’t have the audacity to ask any such thing of anybody. There’s no way.
But I’m not in charge, and they aren’t my rules. I have to trust the Lord’s judgment. Prior to baptism, He teaches that we must have faith in Jesus Christ unto repentance. He requires smokers and drug addicts to quit; unmarried cohabitators to separate or marry; polygamists to divorce their plural spouses; Catholics to cease praying to the virgin Mary; and ministers to give up their livelihoods (since Mormon clergy are unpaid). Many Muslims risk losing their lives by renouncing their adherence to Islam and being branded ‘apostates’. In the 19th century, joining the Church meant uprooting from your homeland and moving to America and crossing the plains on foot to the barren desert of Utah.
Right now, undertaking such a sacrifice makes no sense to you, so I hope you’ll at least try to understand us a bit more. Please read about the Law of Chastity and The Family: A Proclamation to the World. Though I personally would not blame you if you turned your back on the LDS Church, I know that the teachings of God’s living prophets and apostles are true and will give you peace in this life and prepare you for eternal life in the world to come.
Kudos to you Thaddeus for your efforts at an even-handed treatment of a difficult subject. My two cents’ worth.
Current LDS teaching doesn’t just dissuade God’s non-LDS gay children from joining the church, it’s actively driving most of them out of the church after they grow up Mormon. Despite all the protests from senior leaders that gay people are loved and respected, the broader Mormon culture makes them feel just the opposite, and most of them vote with their feet.
It’s not just “frustrating.” It is that LDS teaching offers God’s gay children no hope of any happiness in this life or the next. It can’t explain where they fit into God’s plan or how they can even exist, if Doc. & Cov. 132 is the whole picture. And the Biblical basis for condemning homosexuality is far more questionable than most Mormons realize.
So Thaddeus, good job with honesty and saying if you were Daniel you wouldn’t join either, but frankly, a lot of gay Mormons have studied this stuff pretty closely and are no longer convinced that these are “God’s rules” as you claim. If the doctrinal basis were clear and indisputable, more gay Mormons might try to tough it out and more gay people might join the church. But it’s not. So they don’t see the point.
Dear Daniel and Jay,
I think that you have both brought up some great points about how we should treat others, especially others who choose a different lifestyle than we do and I wish to discuss what I understand our perspective is on this issue.
Daniel, I can understand that you feel that God should accept your family. But, there is one thing that I think is being missed in the discussion. You are saying that you think God should accept your lifestyle unconditionally. You are a child of God, Daniel, as are your children and partner, no doubt about that, and I am certain that God wants more than anything to have you return to him. But, God cannot accept your lifestyle, because you have chosen a life that goes against God’s commandments (Leviticus 18:22) and it is still in force. I did not make that a commandment, nor did Moses, God did. God cannot accept sin of any kind. He himself said, “For I the Lord cannot look upon sin with the least degree of allowance” (D&C 1:31), and nothing unclean can enter his kingdom (Isaiah 52:11, 3 Nephi 27:19, D&C 109:20, Moses 6:57). Luckily, He has provided a way through the sacrifice of his Son, so we can repent of the sins we commit (D&C 1:32, 3 Nephi 27:19, John 3:16). I know you feel that you are being picked on because of your sexual orientation, but you are not being singled out here. He will not accept a man who has cheated on his wife, or someone who breaks the Sabbath day, or someone who refuses to forgive his brother either, unless that person repents and changes his ways and asks for God’s forgiveness. There is simply no way around it. We either conform our lives to God’s commandments and return to Him, or we don’t, and we go somewhere where He won’t be. I can’t be any more plain or simple. For further discussion about this topic please see Elder Dallin H Oaks talk, “Love and Law.” http://www.lds.org/conference/talk/display/0,5232,23-1-1117-9,00.html
Jay, I make a special effort to make all feel welcome, for the simple fact that all should feel of the love that God has for them, but that does not mean that I should say, “Oh it is alright, go ahead and break commandments, it doesn’t matter” and that is what I sense you are trying to say. Stephen Stacey in his article on this site, “Hating the Sin, Loving the Sinner” (July 2009) spoke directly about this. Sin is sin, whether it is homosexuality or adultery, or whatever you want to insert. God is not going to bend his rules regardless of what the sin is.
Certainly though Jay, you cannot say that a person who knowingly and willfully acts in direct opposition to one or many of God’s commandments feels good or comfortable in places or situations where God and his commandments are being taught and discussed. It is that feeling that has driven me to change my life, because I realized my mistake and how glad I am that I did. In addition, I know that I am not the only one who has experienced this feeling. It seems as if you are trying to pin it completely on the members of our church and that is simply not true. If you are going to live in Zion, you have to have to sell your summer cottage in Babylon (to reference a late leader of our church).
Jay, please don’t put words in my mouth. I said I wouldn’t blame him, just as I wouldn’t find fault with a Muslim who considered the risk to him and his family too great to join. If I were Daniel, and I knew as I know now that the Book of Mormon is true and that Jesus is the Savior and the leader of the LDS Church, I would join regardless of the cost.
I am not a freak or fanatic, and I won’t “go off” on anyone here, but I am a Catholic Apologist and have a few theological questions for you and I would appreciate an answer from anyone on this:
The Mormon Church teaches that there is NOT one God, but three, at least among God the Father, Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit, we can all be gods of our own planets just like Jesus was when he lived on “Colob”. So my question is if the Mormon church believes this, why does the bible say in so many places that there is ONE God, and even the book of mormon says there is only ONE God?
Jason,
These are good questions.
I would suggest that the LDS consider God (The Father, Jesus Christ, the Holy Spirit) three different personages.
You seem to understand the difference between “God” and “god” in LDS theology, so I won’t go there.
I can’t venture to say why the Bible says one thing or another, but perhaps I can help you understand why LDS consider the Godhead to be ONE God. As and LDS, I would suggest that God is one in everything except being. One in purpose, plan, mind, will, etc.
I know this is a very simple answer, but I think it is the best to your question. You can read more about LDS Christology and Deity in a great book called “A Different Jesus? The Christ of the Latter-day Saints” by Robert Millet. It is a wonderful look at LDS Christology written by a true scholar.
Jason, thank you for your thoughtful questions. It’s very reasonable that these ideas raise flags. I’ve had some of the same questions, and I have found answers that make sense to me.
First, God tells us He is One in the scriptures in order for us to understand his heavenly government. It is not a pantheon of gods. To the ancient Greeks, if a prayer to Zeus was denied, their theology allowed them to try a prayer to Hera or Hephaestus. But our Father has made it known through the Bible and the Book of Mormon that such political wrangling is out of the question. He is the final authority and the others in the Godhead (Jesus and the Holy Ghost) are in complete agreement. Their total unity and integrity precludes the possibility of back-door dealings.
There are other gods in the same sense there is more than one state governor in the U.S. or many fathers in the world. But a given individual has only one governor and only one father. Paul shared this concept with the Corinthians, “…there is none other God but one. For though there be that are called gods, whether in heaven or in earth, (as there be gods many, and lords many,) But to us there is but one God, the Father, of whom are all things and we in him” (1 Corinthians 8:4-6). That is, there exist other beings called ‘gods’, but they are out of our realm. They are not available to us because they are not OUR fathers or governors.
As children of God, we believe it is our privilege to ascend by the grace of Christ to receive all that the Father has. We are appointed to be heirs of God and joint-heirs with Christ. We can one day become as our Father is by adhering to the gospel plan. Please read Ben’s excellent article, Becoming Gods and Ruling Planets.
Oh, and Jason, thanks for not being a fanatic or “going off” on us. It’s refreshing.
Some missionaries visited our home for quite a well. They were very kind and considerate young people who did feel like friends. We also have close neighbors who are Latter Day Saints and they are very kind. We didn’t join the Latter Day Saints for various reasons so do they hate us now?
I would be very surprised if they hate you! Hopefully, your neighbors are still kind, even if you choose not to join the LDS faith. However, I would also be surprised if the missionaries still visit your home. The primary job of a missionary is to teach those people who are interested in joining the LDS faith and prepare them for baptism; as you have made the decision to not join the faith, their job is finished, and their focus is turned to others who are investigating the faith. I’m sure that they still view you as friends and care about you, but must focus on the job they have been called to do.