“Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ.  Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities.” – The Family: A Proclamation to the World

“Since ‘no other success can compensate for failure [in the home]‘ ( J. E. McCulloch, Home: The Savior of Civilization (1924), 42), we must place high priority on our families. We build deep and loving family relationships by doing simple things together, like family dinner and family home evening and by just having fun together. In family relationships love is really spelled t-i-m-e, time. Taking time for each other is the key for harmony at home. We talk with, rather than about, each other. We learn from each other, and we appreciate our differences as well as our commonalities. We establish a divine bond with each other as we approach God together through family prayer, gospel study, and Sunday worship.” – Dieter F. Uchtdorf, “Of Things That Matter Most,” Ensign, Nov. 2010

Related Articles and Links:

The Family: A Proclamation to the World
Mormon.org – Families
Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints – Happiness in Family Life

Today in church, the young children went up to the front and sang some songs about fathers that they have been practicing for the last couple of weeks.  It was fun to hear and see them sing.  I also watched with great interest as my oldest son, who is 3 years old, sang along.

I haven’t been a dad very long and I’m still learning a lot.  Some things I’ve learned so far are just little things, like how to get marker out of the carpet or how to make the tastiest Mac and Cheese, but some of the things I’ve learned are on more of a deeper level.  Maybe fatherhood and ageing has given me a different perspective.

As I watch my two toddlers, I often think about our Heavenly Father watching over us.  I think of the love that He has for us.  When my son works on a puzzle, gets stuck and asks for help, I’m willing to help him out with it.  I also think about God being eager to help us if we come to him with our problems.  The scripture in Matthew 7:9-11 fits well:

“Or what man is there of you, whom if his son ask bread, will he give him a stone?  Or if he ask a fish, will he give him a serpent?  If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask of him?”

My wife shared with me an experience she had when she took our son to get his immunization shots.  Our son has always been really trusting.  Even when he’d cry as a baby, he’d just call out and then wait for us to take care of him.  He just wasn’t a big crier.  Well, as the shots were administered, a look of pain and shock overcame his face.  He looked up with an expression of “how could you let this happened to me?”  My wife admitted she started crying too.  She felt so bad for him and wanted to somehow tell him that the shots were to help him.  It would only hurt for a little while.  Later, she realized that Heavenly Father must feel the same way when we go through our trials in life.  They may be painful or seem really hard at the time, but they really help us learn and become stronger people.

What are some insights that you have gained that demonstrate our relation, as children, to our Heavenly Father?

A: Absolutely! Any child legally adopted can be sealed to their family in the temple. I know of families who have all adopted children and some who have adopted one and added to their other children. It’s wonderful that our earthly families can be our eternal families.

We recently got a nice comment from a woman who used to be a member of our Church, but has since becoming involved in another, more mainstream Christian Church.  She wrote about her “new eyes and strong desire to help others come unto Christ [the same way that she has].”  It was really nice to read, actually. And I’m grateful that she commented because it gave me a chance to think about what she is advocating.  As a member of a church that proclaims to be the “only true and living church on the face of the earth” (D&C 1:30) it is sometimes hard to wrap my head around the fact that someone could leave this “fully true” church for a “partly true” church.  (Don’t get all offended, I’ll explain my labels).

There are at least two parts to our church:  the human part and the inspired part.  The human part is honestly just like any other Christian Church.  There are fellowship meetings, get-togethers, sermons by people who have some pet virtue they want to beat into the parishioners heads.  Sometimes the church is amazing in this realm.  Sometimes people reach out to new people and bring them into their warm circle of friends and fellowship.  Sometimes seven different people come up to you during the first 14 minutes of church when you are visiting just to introduce themselves (thank you, Abilene Texas 3rd ward!  You guys were awesome!).  Sometimes there are incredible choral programs for Christmas and Easter.  Sometimes someone’s sermon changes your life for good.  Sometimes you find your closest friends through the Home or Visiting Teaching programs.

And sometimes, honestly, the human parts stink.  People are flawed.  And they bring those flaws to the church–especially in the LDS Church where everything is run by the members–a lay clergy, volunteers in every single role from the tiniest nursery tots all the way to the High Priests Group nodding off in the back row.  So that means that every person’s flaws and weaknesses are somehow incorporated into the functioning Church body (as well as their good qualities, but that observation belongs in the paragraph above).  And so, for people like the woman I mentioned above, visiting a warm and welcoming  congregation, perhaps with a social following the service and all sorts of ancillary programs to sign up for, may seem like a shocking difference (especially if her LDS ward was the opposite of the Abilene Texas 3rd Ward).  And it might seem like that church is more true.  More full and lively.  And it probably is more full and lively.  As far as fellowship and sociality goes, the Mormons don’t claim to have a monopoly.  Other churches are simply outstanding at uplifting and professional sermons, providing like-minded friends, urging people to lead honest and moral lives.   I don’t think any Mormon would argue otherwise; and if the human part of our church were the only part, then the answer to my post title is Yes.  It is just another Christian Church.

But there is another part to the church: the inspired part.  And this is the part that separates it from the “partly true churches” that have great human components.  God the Father and Jesus Christ really did restore the Church of Jesus Christ back to the earth through Prophets.  The Prophet really does speak to deity.  That’s an important distinction.  The organization of the church below them with Apostles, Seventies, Elders and so on is truly inspired.  It works on a small scale and it works globally.  I don’t think that Joseph Smith could have come up with that one on his own. The temples are also inspired.  Probably the most important element of the inspired part–that which makes it the true church–is the performance of saving ordinances:  Baptism, Gift of the Holy Ghost, the Sacrament, Temple Endowment, Temple Sealing.  These things are HUGE.  It’s hard to explain to someone who hasn’t been to an LDS temple why they are so important, but it’s like having the map back to heaven, printed in your own language.  The temple is the point of having the Church back on the earth at all.  This is what makes the LDS Church the “only true and living church on the face of the earth.”

However, sometimes even members of the LDS Church miss this.  They see only the human parts and if they aren’t comparable to the other Christian Churches around their neighborhood  then it only makes sense to switch.  Being a member of the LDS church matters if those saving ordinances like baptism and temple ordinances are important to you.  They are important to me.  They give me security and increase my faith in Christ.  I know that He will do what He has promised to do because I’ve covenanted with Him to follow Him and He is always true to His covenants.  Those ordinances mean that I have a constant companion all the time: the Holy Ghost.  He leads me, comforts me and corrects me.  My temple marriage means the world to me because my little family means the world to me: if my road cycling husband were killed in an accident, I have God’s promise that we will be together again in the next life.  And I trust that.  I won’t even start to imagine losing one of my cherubic children because its too painful to contemplate, but we will be together for eternity too.  And when I die, because of what I have learned in the temple and covenanted to do, I have full confidence that I’ll be privileged to meet my Savior.  That is so important to me.

Way more important than how successful the ward party was and if today’s sermon wasn’t given as tactfully as I would have liked it. But that is my preference.  Everyone is entitled to their own priorities and I won’t condemn you for yours if you don’t condemn me for mine.

Q.  Do Mormons believe in the use of birth control or only mass producing children?

A. Only mass producing children.  That’s why so many Mormons are going into engineering. . . there has got to be a more efficient way.

Ha.  There are a LOT of shades of grey between those two options.  This post by Megan addresses some of those issues.  For the record though, there are Mormons with no children and Mormons with 15+ children.  For everyone, it is a personal decision between the husband, wife and the Lord; not a mandate from the Church.

I’d like to start with a brief summary of our relationship to God. Because in my opinion, that relationship is the key to understanding the purpose of life. One of our basic beliefs is that we are children of God. Before life began on the earth, we all lived with God as His spirit children. Our Heavenly Father presented a plan to us there. This plan was an opportunity to help all of us, His children, to learn, grow, and eventually become like Him. To quote a church article written several years ago, “We were given laws. We were commanded to walk in paths of truth and light and of virtue and integrity so that we could advance and progress. The ultimate goal held out to us was that if we were obedient in all things, eventually we would become like him. We would live in the eternal family unit as he lives in it, and we would have might, power, glory, and the omnipotent creative ability that he possesses. The name of the kind of life he lives is eternal life.” (“Households of Faith”, Ensign, April 1971, 4).

If our purpose in life is to eventually live as families as God does, then the need of the Proclamation to the World is clear. Families are the fundamental units of society. They are what children look to, to understand what is ‘normal’. They are what God has given us to understand what life will be like after we die. Since the definition of families in our world is becoming more obscure and confused, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has made a statement clarifying the definition of family. In my opinion, The Family: A Proclamation to The World provides an answer to a lot of the confusion children are growing up with now. Below are nine issues in the world today that I think the Proclamation addresses.  You may click here to read The Family: A Proclamation to The World in its entirety.

1. “In the premortal realm, spirit sons and daughters knew and worshipped God as their Eternal Father and accepted His plan by which His children could obtain a physical body and gain earthly experience to progress toward perfection and ultimately realize their divine destiny as heirs of eternal life…The divine plan of happiness enables family relationships to be perpetuated beyond the grave.” (3rd Paragraph)  “The family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children.” (1st Paragraph)
   • Are families important?  Yes.  We lived as part of God’s family before we were born.  We live in families here.  We can live in families in the next life.  If we lose focus of what constitutes a family, then we lose focus of what we are aiming for in the next life.
2. “All human beings—male and female—are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents…Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose. (2nd Paragraph)
   • Did God mess up?  Was I supposed to be male/female instead of female/male?  No.  We were either a son or a daughter (male or female) when we lived as part of God’s family before we were born.  We were born on earth with that same gender, and that gender is essential in our family.  I want to point out that we’ve also been given varying talents and abilities. We are not limited in what we can do.  There are men who love music, art, dancing, etc.  Good.  There are women who love science, math, sports, etc.  That’s fine too.  Talents don’t constitute gender.
3. “The first commandment that God gave to Adam and Eve pertained to their potential for parenthood as husband and wife…We further declare that God has commanded that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife.” (4th Paragraph)
   • Do I need to be married?  I want to have a child.  Can’t I just make arrangements on my own?  No.  The very first commandment that God gave on earth was to have families.  In my opinion that shows just how important families are.
   • A man and a woman should be married before having intercourse or starting a family.  I’ve unfortunately seen two different shows in the past year or two where successful women have good careers and decided that they now want to have a child. So they ‘shop’ around for good genes.  Then they raise the child on their own.  What kind of family is that?  Poor kid.
4. “We affirm the sanctity of life and of its importance in God’s eternal plan.” (5th Paragraph)
   • I’m not ready for a child.  Can I get an abortion?  Getting an abortion is a serious matter.  Please read the Church’s official statement below (found here).
     • “The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints believes in the sanctity of human life. Therefore, the Church opposes elective abortion for personal or social convenience, and counsels its members not to submit to, perform, encourage, pay for, or arrange for such abortions.  The Church allows for possible exceptions for its members when:
       • Pregnancy results from rape or incest, or
       • A competent physician determines that the life or health of the mother is in serious jeopardy, or
       • A competent physician determines that the fetus has severe defects that will not allow the baby to survive beyond birth.

       The Church teaches its members that even these rare exceptions do not justify abortion automatically. Abortion is a most serious matter and should be considered only after the persons involved have consulted with their local church leaders and feel through personal prayer that their decision is correct.  The Church has not favored or opposed legislative proposals or public demonstrations concerning abortion.”

5. “Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children…Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations.” (6th Paragraph)
   • What does being a good mother/father mean?  Children look up to their parents’ example.  Parents are the most influential teachers children have.
   • Families are important to God.  He sends us innocent children who look to us for guidance.  He will hold us responsible for how well we fulfilled that trust.
6. “Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity.” (7th Paragraph)
   • Children don’t get to pick their families.  But they deserve good ones.
7. “Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation.  Extended families should lend support when needed.” (7th Paragraph)
   • While fathers are given the responsibility to provide for their families and mothers to nuture their children, we adjust to make things work.
8. “We warn that individuals who violate covenants of chastity, who abuse spouse or offspring, or who fail to fulfill family responsibilities will one day stand accountable before God.” (8th Paragraph)
   • Once again, families are really important to God.  If we abuse or neglect family members, He will hold us accountable.
9. “Further, we warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets.” (8th Paragraph)
   • Families are what God has given us to teach us about what kind of life we can have after we die.  If we destroy that perspective, our children will have a much harder time finding their way back to God.  Should we be surprised that  calamities will come as a result?

There are many different questions and answers that can be found by reading the Family Proclamation, but these are the ones that stood out to me the most.  I hope they help.  Our Father in Heaven loves us and wants to help us return to live with Him.  He has given us the Family Proclamation to clarify the importance of families in His plan for us, and the role they play in our lives and on into eternity.

In many cases members of the Church dress their relatives for the grave rather than having the funeral directors do so.  To understand why, some knowledge of the LDS temple ceremony is essential.  One purpose of the temple is to prepare a person to meet God in the afterlife, part of the process includes the wearing of certain ceremonial clothing which has significance to those who go through the temple.  So when Mormons die, if they have been through the temple and received the ordinances then they can wear the ceremonial clothing in preparation for their day of resurrection.

If a funeral director were not a member of the church he would not understand the clothing nor the significance it holds for members.  Therefore when members of the church die family members or ward leaders take on the responsibility of dressing the body.

This was a question from a reader named Jim:

I have a general question…
I currently find myself in a rather difficult situation where I (a non member) of the Church of LDS have fallen for a devout believer. This is not a whimsical interest, we have known each other for nearly a year now, it is also a mutual interest, we have discussed our feelings for each and agree that there is a real potential for a relationship.

Now as I explained before she is a devout believer. This immediately creates some obvious obstacles given the fact that I am not a member, the main ones being:
No sex before marriage
No alcohol
No tea/coffee
Restricted activities on Sundays

Now I appreciate that these are only a few of the more general restrictions/guidelines that are in place. But we talked about them. Regarding the no sex before marriage I said why not give the relationship a go, then if in six months or so time we find out we are not that compatible, we could part, but if it is going very well we can continue. I have had sex before but have also been for long periods without it, and explained to her that if we were in a serious relationship that we both thought was heading somewhere I could handle holding off having sex until we were married.  As for the other things, I feel confident that we could work around them.

Anyway, just as it looked like we were reaching a situation where we might be about to give things a go, she told me about the temple, and how in order to be sealed/united together in this life and the next you need attend a ceremony there after your civil marriage ceremony in order for this to happen.  The catch…only LDS members can enter the temple.  Now this seems to have put the brakes on anything potentially happening between us. She’s of the view (as am I) that if we start dating it would become fairly serious and could well lead to marriage, but that as I am not a member we would not be able to be sealed united at her temple.  This idea crushes her I think.  She is also concerned about the difficulties of raising a family (she wants four children) that has a parent who is not a member of LDS.  She obviously wants to give her children the opportunity to join and is worried a non-member partner would make this difficult.  I have tried saying that I don’t think this would be such an issue, although not a member of LDS I do believe in god and live a clean lifestyle that would fit in with hers.

I think she is also worried that if she did have a crisis of faith, having a husband who was not a member would be difficult as he would not understand what she was going through and offer support/advice etc. on the subject.

So anyway, I have rambled on long enough, but I do have a couple of questions for you…
1) Is there any way of being sealed/united together in life without going through a temple
2) Are there strictly no exceptions whereby a non member could enter a temple?
3) And thirdly what sort of general advice could you give us concerning the situation we find ourselves in?

Thanks for your help

-Jim

Here is my response:

Jim, thank you for your question. You seem to be very understanding and willing to be patient. I can’t say there are any easy answers, though.

1) Is there any way of being sealed/united together in life without going through a temple?

You can be united together in life without going through the temple, because the church recognizes all legal civil marriages as binding for the duration of life, “as long as you both shall live.” And such a relationship can be very rewarding, but the problem (as you already know) is that it falls short of the goal your paramour has dreamed of since she was young: “For time and for all eternity.”

It’s a powerful motivating force in my life.  My family plans on being together forever, and because of that we are interested in creating worthwhile bonds now.  It also helps us make good decisions in other areas of life, since we don’t want to diminish the family by letting our standards slip and losing our promise.  The promise is obtained through covenant with God and is known as “sealing.”

The ordinance of sealing is only performed in holy temples by men who have been authorized by God. It isn’t available anywhere else.

2) Are there strictly no exceptions whereby a non-member could enter a temple?

It’s a lovely thought to want to have this ceremony for the sake of your girlfriend, but even if you had the sealing, without you believing in it and devoting yourself to it, there is no more promise in it than a civil marriage.

Only those who have prepared themselves in every way may enter the temple, and this includes baptism for remission of sins by an authorized priest, and reception of the Holy Ghost. It also includes an interview with a Mormon bishop to ascertain faithfulness (do you hold to chastity, honesty, temperance, etc?). You must also be willing to enter into certain covenants with the Lord.

In short, even just being a member is not enough to enter the temple. I’m sorry. There are no exceptions allowing anyone unprepared (including non-members) into a temple.

3) And thirdly what sort of general advice could you give us concerning the situation we find ourselves in?

There are three distinct scenarios I can see. It depends on how strongly you and she are willing to pull.

1. You marry civilly “until death do you part”
2. You receive baptism and prepare yourself for eternal marriage.
3. You split up.

#3 (split up) will happen if you decide against converting and she doesn’t give up her desire for eternal family. You might each still find a mate compatible with your ideals, so it’s not all bad, but obviously not what you want to hear.

#1 (civil marriage) is a possibility.  A quick visit to the local Justice of the Peace will have you married in the eyes of the law.  Plenty of latter-day saints belong to part-member families and many have found a way to “make it work,” but the heart of the issue isn’t the same as any other interfaith marriage.  It goes beyond being able to understand your spouse’s religion and deciding on where to take the kids on Sunday.  To a Mormon, marriage itself is a fundamental part of the gospel and the crowning glory associated with salvation.

She would see a civil marriage as compromising her long-standing commitment to herself and to God to be sealed for all eternity.  It would certainly be difficult for her, as you pointed out, Jim.  She may harbor secret hopes that you will eventually come around and join the Church after perhaps years of marriage; also, after your death she may wish to have you sealed to her by proxy — after a baptism for the dead. But even that is contingent on your posthumous desire for it. If you didn’t want it in life, it’s unlikely you’ll change your mind the minute you die. And without your permission, it will not be binding.

I do not endorse a civil interfaith marriage with a Mormon.  Not for you or anyone that is in any position to choose it.  The Mormon usually leads life pining for a relationship with eternal promise and despairing that it isn’t happening; often they let themselves slip away from God.  The non-Mormon feels constant pressure to convert and becomes annoyed that the problem doesn’t go away.  I’ve seen too many problem relationships.  If this heartache can be prevented, I advocate preventing it.

Such a marriage does not solve the problem you are facing right now, Jim.  It only delays solving it.  It will present you every morning with the same dilemma:  ask her to surrender hope for an eternal family, get yourself to convert, or dissolve the relationship.  Avoiding the question is to choose the first option.

#2 (eternal marriage) can happen if you allow yourself to investigate the religion seriously. This is the path that I advise. Invite the missionaries over for a few lessons and read the Book of Mormon with them.  After learning a bit more about the Church and understanding why we believe the things we do, you might find your original notions of Mormonism misplaced.  People usually find the missionaries’ lessons much more substantive and credible than they anticipate.

You indicated that you have faith in God, which is essential. Believe that He will answer your prayers, and ask Him whether you should join.  Believe that He will give you the desire for eternal family that will lead you to unite with her forever.

Jim, I hope I’ve added some clarity to your dilemma. I hope you can see it from her side as well. Meditate on it and pray for guidance. I know the Lord will answer. He answers my prayers frequently.

I’d also invite you to look around at our website. You might find some more answers there. And you are always welcome to email me directly. In fact, I’d very much like to know what you decide.

-Thaddeus

From what I have seen and experienced, Mormons celebrate Christmas in just about the same way that the rest of the Christmas-celebrating-world does.  We (in the U.S.) have a Christmas tree, stockings, egg nog (not alcoholic), family gatherings, presents, a visit from Santa, caroling, parties, and other unique family traditions.

One thing that Mormons try to do, which might set us apart from the worldly Christmas around us, is to focus on Christ as the center of the celebration.  Many families reenact the Nativity at some point on Christmas Eve or Christmas; and we try to emphasize gratitude for our blessings rather than getting more loot.

The First Presidency of the Church (our modern prophet and his counselors) produces a Christmas fireside each year, which is very typical of our attitude toward Christmas.  Watch the whole thing by clicking on this link.