In many cases members of the Church dress their relatives for the grave rather than having the funeral directors do so.  To understand why, some knowledge of the LDS temple ceremony is essential.  One purpose of the temple is to prepare a person to meet God in the afterlife, part of the process includes the wearing of certain ceremonial clothing which has significance to those who go through the temple.  So when Mormons die, if they have been through the temple and received the ordinances then they can wear the ceremonial clothing in preparation for their day of resurrection.

If a funeral director were not a member of the church he would not understand the clothing nor the significance it holds for members.  Therefore when members of the church die family members or ward leaders take on the responsibility of dressing the body.

This was a question from a reader named Jim:

I have a general question…
I currently find myself in a rather difficult situation where I (a non member) of the Church of LDS have fallen for a devout believer. This is not a whimsical interest, we have known each other for nearly a year now, it is also a mutual interest, we have discussed our feelings for each and agree that there is a real potential for a relationship.

Now as I explained before she is a devout believer. This immediately creates some obvious obstacles given the fact that I am not a member, the main ones being:
No sex before marriage
No alcohol
No tea/coffee
Restricted activities on Sundays

Now I appreciate that these are only a few of the more general restrictions/guidelines that are in place. But we talked about them. Regarding the no sex before marriage I said why not give the relationship a go, then if in six months or so time we find out we are not that compatible, we could part, but if it is going very well we can continue. I have had sex before but have also been for long periods without it, and explained to her that if we were in a serious relationship that we both thought was heading somewhere I could handle holding off having sex until we were married.  As for the other things, I feel confident that we could work around them.

Anyway, just as it looked like we were reaching a situation where we might be about to give things a go, she told me about the temple, and how in order to be sealed/united together in this life and the next you need attend a ceremony there after your civil marriage ceremony in order for this to happen.  The catch…only LDS members can enter the temple.  Now this seems to have put the brakes on anything potentially happening between us. She’s of the view (as am I) that if we start dating it would become fairly serious and could well lead to marriage, but that as I am not a member we would not be able to be sealed united at her temple.  This idea crushes her I think.  She is also concerned about the difficulties of raising a family (she wants four children) that has a parent who is not a member of LDS.  She obviously wants to give her children the opportunity to join and is worried a non-member partner would make this difficult.  I have tried saying that I don’t think this would be such an issue, although not a member of LDS I do believe in god and live a clean lifestyle that would fit in with hers.

I think she is also worried that if she did have a crisis of faith, having a husband who was not a member would be difficult as he would not understand what she was going through and offer support/advice etc. on the subject.

So anyway, I have rambled on long enough, but I do have a couple of questions for you…
1) Is there any way of being sealed/united together in life without going through a temple
2) Are there strictly no exceptions whereby a non member could enter a temple?
3) And thirdly what sort of general advice could you give us concerning the situation we find ourselves in?

Thanks for your help

-Jim

Here is my response:

Jim, thank you for your question. You seem to be very understanding and willing to be patient. I can’t say there are any easy answers, though.

1) Is there any way of being sealed/united together in life without going through a temple?

You can be united together in life without going through the temple, because the church recognizes all legal civil marriages as binding for the duration of life, “as long as you both shall live.” And such a relationship can be very rewarding, but the problem (as you already know) is that it falls short of the goal your paramour has dreamed of since she was young: “For time and for all eternity.”

It’s a powerful motivating force in my life.  My family plans on being together forever, and because of that we are interested in creating worthwhile bonds now.  It also helps us make good decisions in other areas of life, since we don’t want to diminish the family by letting our standards slip and losing our promise.  The promise is obtained through covenant with God and is known as “sealing.”

The ordinance of sealing is only performed in holy temples by men who have been authorized by God. It isn’t available anywhere else.

2) Are there strictly no exceptions whereby a non-member could enter a temple?

It’s a lovely thought to want to have this ceremony for the sake of your girlfriend, but even if you had the sealing, without you believing in it and devoting yourself to it, there is no more promise in it than a civil marriage.

Only those who have prepared themselves in every way may enter the temple, and this includes baptism for remission of sins by an authorized priest, and reception of the Holy Ghost. It also includes an interview with a Mormon bishop to ascertain faithfulness (do you hold to chastity, honesty, temperance, etc?). You must also be willing to enter into certain covenants with the Lord.

In short, even just being a member is not enough to enter the temple. I’m sorry. There are no exceptions allowing anyone unprepared (including non-members) into a temple.

3) And thirdly what sort of general advice could you give us concerning the situation we find ourselves in?

There are three distinct scenarios I can see. It depends on how strongly you and she are willing to pull.

1. You marry civilly “until death do you part”
2. You receive baptism and prepare yourself for eternal marriage.
3. You split up.

#3 (split up) will happen if you decide against converting and she doesn’t give up her desire for eternal family. You might each still find a mate compatible with your ideals, so it’s not all bad, but obviously not what you want to hear.

#1 (civil marriage) is a possibility.  A quick visit to the local Justice of the Peace will have you married in the eyes of the law.  Plenty of latter-day saints belong to part-member families and many have found a way to “make it work,” but the heart of the issue isn’t the same as any other interfaith marriage.  It goes beyond being able to understand your spouse’s religion and deciding on where to take the kids on Sunday.  To a Mormon, marriage itself is a fundamental part of the gospel and the crowning glory associated with salvation.

She would see a civil marriage as compromising her long-standing commitment to herself and to God to be sealed for all eternity.  It would certainly be difficult for her, as you pointed out, Jim.  She may harbor secret hopes that you will eventually come around and join the Church after perhaps years of marriage; also, after your death she may wish to have you sealed to her by proxy — after a baptism for the dead. But even that is contingent on your posthumous desire for it. If you didn’t want it in life, it’s unlikely you’ll change your mind the minute you die. And without your permission, it will not be binding.

I do not endorse a civil interfaith marriage with a Mormon.  Not for you or anyone that is in any position to choose it.  The Mormon usually leads life pining for a relationship with eternal promise and despairing that it isn’t happening; often they let themselves slip away from God.  The non-Mormon feels constant pressure to convert and becomes annoyed that the problem doesn’t go away.  I’ve seen too many problem relationships.  If this heartache can be prevented, I advocate preventing it.

Such a marriage does not solve the problem you are facing right now, Jim.  It only delays solving it.  It will present you every morning with the same dilemma:  ask her to surrender hope for an eternal family, get yourself to convert, or dissolve the relationship.  Avoiding the question is to choose the first option.

#2 (eternal marriage) can happen if you allow yourself to investigate the religion seriously. This is the path that I advise. Invite the missionaries over for a few lessons and read the Book of Mormon with them.  After learning a bit more about the Church and understanding why we believe the things we do, you might find your original notions of Mormonism misplaced.  People usually find the missionaries’ lessons much more substantive and credible than they anticipate.

You indicated that you have faith in God, which is essential. Believe that He will answer your prayers, and ask Him whether you should join.  Believe that He will give you the desire for eternal family that will lead you to unite with her forever.

Jim, I hope I’ve added some clarity to your dilemma. I hope you can see it from her side as well. Meditate on it and pray for guidance. I know the Lord will answer. He answers my prayers frequently.

I’d also invite you to look around at our website. You might find some more answers there. And you are always welcome to email me directly. In fact, I’d very much like to know what you decide.

-Thaddeus

From what I have seen and experienced, Mormons celebrate Christmas in just about the same way that the rest of the Christmas-celebrating-world does.  We (in the U.S.) have a Christmas tree, stockings, egg nog (not alcoholic), family gatherings, presents, a visit from Santa, caroling, parties, and other unique family traditions.

One thing that Mormons try to do, which might set us apart from the worldly Christmas around us, is to focus on Christ as the center of the celebration.  Many families reenact the Nativity at some point on Christmas Eve or Christmas; and we try to emphasize gratitude for our blessings rather than getting more loot.

The First Presidency of the Church (our modern prophet and his counselors) produces a Christmas fireside each year, which is very typical of our attitude toward Christmas.  Watch the whole thing by clicking on this link.

Elder David A. Bednar

Elder David A. Bednar talked about how we can do better in our families to teach, love and discipline effectively and sincerely.

Here is one of my favorite parts of the talk:

As our sons were growing up, our family did what you have done and what you now do. We had regular family prayer, scripture study, and family home evening. Now, I am sure what I am about to describe has never occurred in your home, but it did in ours.

Sometimes Sister Bednar and I wondered if our efforts to do these spiritually essential things were worthwhile. Now and then verses of scripture were read amid outbursts such as “He’s touching me!” “Make him stop looking at me!” “Mom, he’s breathing my air!” Sincere prayers occasionally were interrupted with giggling and poking. And with active, rambunctious boys, family home evening lessons did not always produce high levels of edification. At times Sister Bednar and I were exasperated because the righteous habits we worked so hard to foster did not seem to yield immediately the spiritual results we wanted and expected.

Today if you could ask our adult sons what they remember about family prayer, scripture study, and family home evening, I believe I know how they would answer. They likely would not identify a particular prayer or a specific instance of scripture study or an especially meaningful family home evening lesson as the defining moment in their spiritual development. What they would say they remember is that as a family we were consistent.

Sister Bednar and I thought helping our sons understand the content of a particular lesson or a specific scripture was the ultimate outcome. But such a result does not occur each time we study or pray or learn together. The consistency of our intent and work was perhaps the greatest lesson—a lesson we did not fully appreciate at the time.

In my office is a beautiful painting of a wheat field. The painting is a vast collection of individual brushstrokes—none of which in isolation is very interesting or impressive. In fact, if you stand close to the canvas, all you can see is a mass of seemingly unrelated and unattractive streaks of yellow and gold and brown paint. However, as you gradually move away from the canvas, all of the individual brushstrokes combine together and produce a magnificent landscape of a wheat field. Many ordinary, individual brushstrokes work together to create a captivating and beautiful painting.

Each family prayer, each episode of family scripture study, and each family home evening is a brushstroke on the canvas of our souls. No one event may appear to be very impressive or memorable. But just as the yellow and gold and brown strokes of paint complement each other and produce an impressive masterpiece, so our consistency in doing seemingly small things can lead to significant spiritual results. “Wherefore, be not weary in well-doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work. And out of small things proceedeth that which is great” (D&C 64:33). Consistency is a key principle as we lay the foundation of a great work in our individual lives and as we become more diligent and concerned in our own homes.

Here are some links to read the talk, listen to it, or watch him as he gave it.

Hearing the words of the Lord’s prophets and apostles strengthens my faith and helps me live my life in accordance to God’s will for me.  I hope you’ll take some time to listen to a talk or two as well.  Here is a link to the whole conference.

First, to understand this situation, an understanding must be had of sealing and of work for the dead.

Briefly put, sealing is the term used for being married in the temple.  It is an ordinance performed that binds a man and woman together not just til “death do they part”, but for time and all eternity.  Read more about this subject here.

The word “vicariously” in the question refers to the fact that God has given man power to perform sacred ordinances  for the dead who did not receive those ordinances while they were alive.  Thus, as Paul alludes to in I Corinthians 15:29, we can be baptized for those who did not receive that opportunity during their time on Earth.  Similarly, we can perform sealings for deceased couples.  Read more about this subject here.

On to the question at hand.  What if that couple who is sealed together didn’t want to be sealed together?  Are they going to have to just put up with each other F-O-R-E-V-E-R?  For instance, if King Henry VIII was vicariously sealed to his wife Anne Boleyn, would she just have to overlook the cruelty and death she suffered at his hand?  No.  Common sense and truth coincide nicely for us here.  As lds.org, the official website of the church, explains:

Some people have misunderstood that when baptisms for the dead are performed, deceased persons are baptized into the Church against their will. This is not the case. Each individual has agency, or the right to choose. The validity of a baptism for the dead depends on the deceased person accepting it and choosing to accept and follow the Savior while residing in the spirit world. The names of deceased persons are not added to the membership records of the Church. (cited from this webpage, under heading entitled “Additional Information”)

But I say, to avoid any such confusing situations, how about we all just love our spouses and desire to be with them for eternity?  In fact, if you, my article-reading friend, happen to be married I challenge you, right now, to think of one nice thing you can do for your spouse today.  Now go and do and have a wonderful day.

Anyway, so in this particular Family Home Evening lesson we read the scripture Alma 33:11 which describes praying in faith through one’s afflictions. I asked my children if they knew what the word “affliction” meant and explained to them that it is something difficult: when something hard happens in life and we maybe don’t know what to do or how to get through that experience and I told them it is important to pray to make it through these times of difficulty. My four year old son has been playing a video game with my husband and when I talked about afflictions, he immediately drew a corollary to this game. They’d stopped playing last time at a point in which the characters were stuck on one side of a large crack in the ground and my son commented that he just didn’t know what they were going to do about it or how they would get their guys around or over this big hole in the earth. When he said the closing prayer that night, he asked Heavenly Father to help them to find a way to get around that big crack in the ground in their game.

Maybe it’s one of those “you had to be there moments”, but this touched my heart and I know my children and I were both taught that night by the Holy Ghost. My eyes got a little misty as the scripture Mosaiah 3:19 came to my mind and I marveled at the simplicity and depth of my son’s faith. I know that he believes and accepts what I’m teaching him. I know that he loves his Redeemer, Jesus Christ. My son was taking my lesson to heart and applying it to his sphere of understanding. Would that we all prayed with such faith! Would that we never doubted that our omnipotent Father in Heaven cares about us and whatever we may be experiencing. I know this to be true.  Jesus is the Christ, he suffered for your sins, died for you and was resurrected again because of that great love that our Father has for each and every one of us. Just as my son prayed for help to get through what he truly saw as a difficulty in his world, we can pray for any difficulty in our world and I know our prayers will be answered.

Short answer: Yes and No.

Long answer: You might think this question would have a straightforward answer, but turns out it doesn’t.  Entire ecumenical councils have been convened to address the relationship between Jesus and the Father.  It’s a sticky question, and this is why:

The Bible uses the term “Only Begotten” four times in reference to Jesus (the Book of Mormon and other LDS scriptures tack on a whopping forty more).  So it seems pretty straightforward; he must be the only one. At the same time, however, there are many other scriptures that seem to indicate there are more children of God—namely us.  Those scriptures refer to the human race as either being the children of God already (Acts 17:29: “Forasmuch then as we are the offspring of God…”) or having the potential to become the children of God (John 1:12: “But as many as received him, to them gave he power to become the sons of God”).  Furthermore, sometimes Jesus refers to the Father only as “my Father” (Luke 2:49), and sometimes as “your Father” (Matt 5:48), and sometimes both (John 20:17).

So which is it?  Is Jesus the only son of God, or are we all sons and daughters of God?  And if we’re not now, is it possible for us to become so?

I don’t pretend to understand how the majority of Christianity answers those questions, especially since the early creeds seem confusing on what exactly the relationship between the Father and the Son is.  Luckily you just want to know what Mormons believe and that is, by comparison, pretty straightforward.

1. All of us (including Jesus) are spirit children of God.

To suggest that Jesus is always and ever was the only son of God is to ignore a whole lot of scripture in the Bible.  In one sense, we are all children of God. God is the Father of our spirits.  This is why Paul calls us all “the offspring of God.”  We have that piece of divinity inside us.  Jesus is special because he was, as the author of Hebrews calls him, “the Firstbegotten.”  The same author calls His church the “church of the Firstborn.”  Just the use of the words Firstbegotten and Firstborn imply that there are others. Not only that, we were all with God and Jesus before the world was.  (See the posts on the pre-mortal life of man for a better explanation).  In short: all of us are children of God, but Jesus is the first.

2.  Jesus is the only begotten of the Father in the flesh.

If we all are children of God, why are the scriptures so adamant that he is the “Only Begotten Son”?  To beget someone is to father them.  Everyone born on earth has been begotten by an earthly, mortal father.  That is, everyone but Jesus.  Jesus was born to a virgin.  His father is God.  We don’t pretend to know the details of all that, but Jesus is the only one for whom that is true, and that’s why He is called the Only Begotten.

3.  We become the sons and daughters of God in a different sense by accepting the gospel.

If we are all already the children of God, what is all this scriptural talk of becoming the children of God?  Turns out sometimes salvation is spoken of as becoming the sons/daughters of God, or of Christ. When Jesus came to earth and atoned for our sins, he opened the way to be saved.  He gave us power to become the sons of God, as John said.  Maybe it’s confusing to describe it that way, but hey, it wasn’t my idea.  Besides, it’s a good way to describe the spiritual change that happens when we accept Jesus Christ.  I think the Book of Mormon king Benjamin described it best to his people, who had just accepted Jesus Christ with a covenant to follow Him:

“And now, because of the covenant which ye have made ye shall be called the children of Christ, his sons, and his daughters; for behold, this day he hath spiritually begotten you; for ye say that your hearts are changed through faith on his name; therefore, ye are born of him and have become his sons and his daughters.”  (Mosiah 5:7)

So we see that if there were only one sense in which a person could be a child of God, the Bible would remain ambiguous on the question.  But if they are referring to different relationships, we get a coherent picture of our relationship with God the Father and Jesus Christ. In one sense everyone is a child of God, in another sense only Jesus is, and in a third sense, we start out not children and then have the option to become children of God.

An important footnote: Do Mormons believe Jesus and Satan are brothers?

One of the more shocking things you’ll hear about Mormonism is that we believe that Jesus and Satan are brothers. Now that we’ve outlined our relationships to God, we can address that claim in the proper context.  It’s true that they are brothers in the first sense that I described above, but saying it out of that context is intentionally misleading, because almost everyone is thinking in the second sense.  When you’re coming from the position that Jesus is the only son of God, putting Satan up there with him not only seems like a blatant contradiction of the “Only Begotten” scriptures, but also makes it seem like we consider them to be equals.  That couldn’t be further from the truth.  Jesus Christ, the Greatest of all, who personifies goodness and grace, and Satan, the father of lies, who rebelled against God and was cast out of heaven, are not equals. They are brothers in the sense that we are all brothers and sisters, spiritual offspring of the same Father.  Aside from that, they couldn’t be more different.

This is a good representation of what Mormons believe about how families should function.  Notice the love and mutual respect and admiration that everyone has as well as a desire to sacrifice for their loved ones.

Its also just a nice little message.

The Family: A Proclamation to the World

We, the First Presidency and the Council of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, solemnly proclaim that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children.

All human beings—male and female—are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny. Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose.

In the premortal realm, spirit sons and daughters knew and worshipped God as their Eternal Father and accepted His plan by which His children could obtain a physical body and gain earthly experience to progress toward perfection and ultimately realize their divine destiny as heirs of eternal life. The divine plan of happiness enables family relationships to be perpetuated beyond the grave. Sacred ordinances and covenants available in holy temples make it possible for individuals to return to the presence of God and for families to be united eternally.

The first commandment that God gave to Adam and Eve pertained to their potential for parenthood as husband and wife. We declare that God’s commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force. We further declare that God has commanded that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife.

We declare the means by which mortal life is created to be divinely appointed. We affirm the sanctity of life and of its importance in God’s eternal plan.

Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. “Children are an heritage of the Lord” (Psalm 127:3). Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations.

The family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities. By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation. Extended families should lend support when needed.

We warn that individuals who violate covenants of chastity, who abuse spouse or offspring, or who fail to fulfill family responsibilities will one day stand accountable before God. Further, we warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets.

We call upon responsible citizens and officers of government everywhere to promote those measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society.

This proclamation was read by President Gordon B. Hinckley as part of his message at the General Relief Society Meeting held September 23, 1995, in Salt Lake City, Utah.

It’s been a hard political position to take.  I’ve wondered myself how to deal with the charges of bigotry laid against us, and how to adequately defend my stance.

The gay rights community has set up the debate as a matter of civil rights.  This is misleading, particularly in the California Proposition 8 campaign.  All legal rights have been granted same-sex couples for years.  If it were just a matter of ensuring hospital visitation rights or filing an extra tax-exemption for a domestic partnership, I would be in favor of providing these civil rights, but they are already available.  The real battle is over the marriage license; the right to call each other “husband” or “wife.”

Marriage is not, in and of itself, a civil right.  Government has a long history of restricting marriages involving siblings, cousins, minors, and bigamists in addition to homosexuals.  There is good reason for government to support only heterosexual marriages.

What is being fought for is not civil rights, but legitimacy.  Society is being asked to ratify homosexual behavior, and Mormons cannot sanction the behavior in good conscience.  Mormons view homosexual behavior as unwise and sinful.  It is one thing to tolerate sin in a community, and another for society to endorse the sin officially.

Mormons are not trying to outlaw homosexuality.  We are not hoping to deny anyone their legal rights.  And we certainly do not support violence or discrimination toward gays or lesbians.  Our aim is simply to support the traditional definition of marriage as the ideal way to organize society in families, and keep it as a matter of prudent public policy.

I recognize that this article will likely set off some powder kegs of emotion.  Let’s discuss the issue, but before you comment, I’d like you to take a few deep breaths, read our comment policy, and keep your tone as polite as you can.  I won’t respond to name-calling or insults (against me or my Church).