Comments on: I’m in Love with a Mormon. What Now?

By: Stephanie

Stephanie — Wed, 07 Dec 2011 18:20:27 +0000

Hello.
My mother is LDS, and my father is not. Although he is not devoted into any other faith but yet lives a clean and moral lifestyle, there are a lot of hardships involved.

My father often feels left out as my mother takes me and my two siblings to church each Sunday. It is often hard for him to listen to talk about Church in the home, for he feels seperate and alone. My siblings and I have made many efforts to invite him to church and join his family…but he will not budge. He doesn’t even oppose our church, and he even shares some similar beliefs with us, but for whatever reason, he just will not come to Church on Sunday.

It is EXACTLY what Thaddeus had said: “The Mormon usually leads life pining for a relationship with eternal promise and despairing that it isn’t happening” while “the non-Mormon feels constant pressure to convert and becomes annoyed that the problem doesn’t go away.” I promise you, at least in my case and many many others, that this is true. My father has been under pressure for so many years, that his heart has hardened to the idea of conversion. My mother has always hoped that he would come around, but disappointment came instead. It has heavy strains on their relationship, and as their daughter, I can swear to you that it hurts.

It has a bigger effect than you realize. It WILL affect your children. I can guarantee it. Because my parents are not sealed in the temple, I have no idea what to expect when my time comes to get married. I do not know how to raise a home that is strong in a faith. I am not sure what religious activities to do with my children. I have never lived in a home where there was the Preisthood. I have not personally witnessed what a healthy marriage should be.

I dread the day that when I get married in the temple that my father will not be there.

If you haven’t married yet, please listen to me. Do not married outside of your faith (whether you’re a nonmember marrying an LDS, or you’re an LDS and you’re marrying a nonmember), I beg you. It will be hard for both of you. Some make it work and are satisfied, but you have the potential to have such a wonderful and joyous marriage! Do not settle on just a satifactory life together. Please reconsider your relationship before going down this path. It doesn’t just affect you; your children will feel the consequences of your decision as well.

By: Tom Jones

Tom Jones — Wed, 31 Aug 2011 23:24:13 +0000

Rocha, Let’s talk. tomstpete@ij.net
Tom

By: Rocha

Rocha — Wed, 31 Aug 2011 01:01:46 +0000

I am having the same problem. I am in love with a LDS guy. It’s so hard for me to find someone so special, and when I find it, we have the religion making us being apart of each other. But I don’t wanna give up on us. I love him so much. I already had lessons with the Elders, but it just doesn’t stick. But i know we are going to take different paths. I am so sad, it just hurts a lot. I accept him as he is, but I don’t think this is mutual… :,(

By: Thaddeus

Thaddeus — Mon, 15 Aug 2011 01:42:44 +0000

Christin, I would look into option #2 in my article above. Perhaps this is a message from the Lord for you. It can’t hurt to investigate the Church with the full-time missionaries; at the very least, you’ll understand your boyfriend a lot better.

If, after you’ve studied all the missionary lessons, you still feel God directing you to be a Baptist, then go with God. Maybe you could ask your boyfriend to do some studying there as well.

Just don’t jump into marriage thinking the problems will go away.

By: Tom Jones

Tom Jones — Sun, 14 Aug 2011 19:36:05 +0000

Christin,
You must speak with a few folks who are experiencing what you are contemplating. I’m one. You can call me at 727-667-4112

By: Christin

Christin — Sun, 14 Aug 2011 05:54:12 +0000

I am currently dating a wonderful Mormon guy and I am a baptist. We have talked about the differences in our faith and he claims that it doesn’t bother him, but it really bothers me that we don’t have the same beliefs. Even though it bothers me I don’t want to let him go. Do you think that we will have difficulties if we get married and have children? Because I know that I am going to want to raise them in my church and he in his. I know that he wants to be sealed and eternally bonded but I am not Lds. Do you have any advice for me?

By: Kassie

Kassie — Sun, 24 Apr 2011 16:52:04 +0000

This is a situation that seems to be occuring more and more frequently in the 21st century. We try to be tolerant of other religious beliefs and respect them. Our Articles of Faith specifically tell us that everyone has the right to worship God in their own way. I would like to share a situation that occured recently with my husband’s sister. A lifelong member of the church, she always thought she would marry an RM (returned missionary) in the temple. Instead four years ago, she fell in love with a Catholic man. They are in their mid 20′s. They made the decision to have a civil marriage, and a blessing by both her father (a Bishop) and a Catholic priest (friend of the grooms’s family). They were (and are) very much in love. The problems started almost immediately however. She continued to go to church and church meetings. He would go to Mass and then go with her for Church. He thought 3 hours was ridiculous so he would stay through Fast and testimony or Sacrament and then go on home. She had been a YM teacher and felt she had to drop her calling because it was taking so much time away from the two of them. things like alcohol, coffee etc were not an issue for them. After four years I am afraid this marriage will just not make it. When at family gatherings or talks (large LDS family) when there is talk of temple marriages, and eternal families she becomes very sad and leaves the room. He doesn’t understand why it is “such a big deal” to her. He doesn’t believe marriage contin ues beyond the grave and can’t understand why we make sure a “big deal” out of it. He has been through all the missionary lessons, considers himself quite an intellecutal (he IS very intelligent and well educated with a doctoral degree in psychology at only 28.) and he believes JS and the Book of Mormon are all a big hoax if you talk with him one-on-one. He doesn’t go around “bashing” the Church for her sake, but if he talks to me and my husband about his beliefs, I know he must say the same to her in private. It is very sad. The Bible warns about being being yoked with un-believers, I think for a reason. In the LDS church it is not just our religion, it is our life. Callings, Family Home Evenings, Church meetings, Temple Marriages, Eternal Families, they are all tied together. I would advise anyone against marrying an LDS person unless they are seriously interested in converting. He told my husband that he is seriously converting “in name only” just so she can have her temple marriage . He says “what difference does it make? I don’t believe it anyway but I could pretend to do so for her sake”. since it is all such “hoopla” to me anyway, I don’t have a problem with doing “whatever it takes” to make her happy. It is just not a good situation.

By: Tom Jones

Tom Jones — Sat, 23 Jan 2010 20:34:04 +0000

I would endorse the last comment from Bus Gillespie. It is imperative that both she and he understand the basics of each other’s faith tradition before they tie the knot, not after, which happened in my case.

By: Bus Gillespie

Bus Gillespie — Sat, 23 Jan 2010 18:57:07 +0000

While I agree with all that has been said allow me to give a little longer perspective to the situation. Currently in the courtship phase of idealistic love there is a feeling that love will conquer all. However should the couple get married and have a life together the differences that were assumed to be so trivial become magnified and a source of irritation.
Assuming that the husband stays a non-Mormon and the wife continues in her church activity, think about the ramifications of these things: The wife must retain a tenth of her income in order to pay tithing in order to stay eligible for temple attendance. The wife needs to go out with another women every month to visit other women assigned to them. The wife needs to invite hometeachers (male priesthood holders) into her home once a month for a lesson [they will certainly be interested in sharing their message with the husband as well]. The wife goes out every Sunday for 3 hours of meetings, and then comes home sad that her husband is keeping her and her children from becoming an eternal family and sharing in the full blessings the church has to offer.
These are just a few of the things that can work to separate a husband and wife if they aren’t united in their religious belief, and I haven’t even mentioned how the children should be raised. I hope that careful consideration will be given in continuing the relationship and that extensive study be applied to understand the beliefs of each other before committing to marriage.

By: lulu

lulu — Tue, 19 Jan 2010 18:09:53 +0000

very well put.

there is a lot of heartache that goes along with marrying a person who isn’t mormon. she will feel bad and you will feel pressured.

if jim has no desire or hope of looking into the Gospel for himself, it’s better for this relationship to end as painful as that might sound.