Comments on: Mormon Dating Question

By: Johnston

Johnston — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 22:27:40 +0000

Gabe,
Cut it off. You are not in love, you are in “lust”. Love will come later when you are more mature. If it were love, you would respect her standards enough to allow her to live by them… you would not be sneaking around behind her parents back. Love comes with mutual respect and develops over a long period of time. Love is like you have for your mother. Love is not sexually motivated. Lust demands the satisfaction now, not later and is sexually motivated. Many young people date and get married for reasons of lust. A short time later as their marriage is tested, lust gives way to disgust and anger. There is nothing to hold the relationship together.
Stay friends with her. If you are truly interested in her as a person and a friend, you will be able to wait until she is 16 and can date (not exclusively and in a group). If this idea angers you or upsets you, your relationship may be based more on lust than on love.
Good Luck

By: Curtis "Curtis" Wiederhold

Curtis "Curtis" Wiederhold — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 19:50:04 +0000

Gabe,

I’m not sure I entirely understand your question. Is it that you are trying to continue dating each other without her parents finding out?

By: Curtis "Curtis" Wiederhold

Curtis "Curtis" Wiederhold — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 19:47:04 +0000

mary,

It is certainly allowable for girlfriends/boyfriends to show affection for each other. However, this affection must be kept under control. Here’s a statement from the “For the Strength of Youth” pamphlet:

“Before marriage, do not do anything to arouse the powerful emotions that must be expressed only in marriage. Do not participate in passionate kissing, lie on top of another person, or touch the private, sacred parts of another person’s body, with or without clothing. Do not allow anyone to do that with you. Do not arouse those emotions in your own body.

“In cultures where dating or courting is acceptable, always treat your date with respect, never as an object to be used for your lustful desires. Stay in areas of safety where you can easily control your physical feelings. Do not participate in talk or activities that arouse sexual feelings.”

To answer your second question, these God-given rules apply regardless if the relationship is a mormon/mormon or a non-mormon/mormon one. If you want to know more about how it is for a non-mormon to date a mormon, read here.

By: mary

mary — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 17:35:19 +0000

what are mormons allowed to do with their girlfriends/boyfriends? is it just hanging out without touching each other? is there a difference between a mormon-mormon relationship and a non-mormom – mormon one?

By: Gabe

Gabe — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 09:11:52 +0000

ok my girl friend is mormen. she and I are 14. and we have been dating for 15 weeks. is the anyway me and her can keep go out with her parents knowing (like ace in the hole) .. i am athist though i respeaced her religous beilfs.. i dont want her to get in troble. but we are in love.HELP

By: dave

dave — Sat, 10 Jan 2009 01:23:00 +0000

Schwarz is probably right in that 16 is pretty standard for the U.S, and that there’s probably not something eternally special about 16. I think if we lived in a society where people were more mature at an earlier age, the dating rules would likely reflect that.

It’s important also to recognize that something making sense culturally doesn’t mean it isn’t inspired. Could be the opposite; if 16 is about right for our society, then it makes sense that 16 would be the divine mandate. So we should still treat it as such.

By: Schwarz

Schwarz — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 20:46:00 +0000

Re: Age 16,

Numerous American evangelicals also recommend the age of 16. Outside of the US, dating age limits (where recommended by parents, local churches etc) tend to be age 18. The age limit appears to be more culturally determined than any particular divine mandate.